


Sweet and Salty With a Side of Dwarf

by Daydreamer_83



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Bilbo Baggins, Emotionally Constipated Thorin, F/M, Multi, Overprotective Thorin, POV Bilbo Baggins, Possessive Thorin, Protective Thorin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:20:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22806208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daydreamer_83/pseuds/Daydreamer_83
Summary: "Thorin tried to tell himself all manners of lies about this girl when the truth was that she had awakened something in him he had long ago thought to be dead. And for this he hated her."A young elf finds herself in the midst of the company's travels as well as its elf hating leader and their kind, compassionate burglar. (Thorin/OC Bilbo/OC)
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Original Female Character(s), Thorin Oakenshield/Original Female Character(s), Thranduil (Tolkien)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Una for pointing out that I had yet to transfer this work to AO3. I am working on a few re-writes/additions to this version so please enjoy.

The Hobbit had spent two whole days barricaded in his house. Too terrified to step a hairy foot out the door after his little encounter with Gandalf the Grey.

But as the sun poked its brilliant head over the lush, green horizon on his third day of house arrest, Bilbo suddenly felt ridiculous for being held prisoner in his own home.

And for what? A crotchety old Wizard with whom he was barely acquainted?

No. This had gone on long enough - besides, he was on his last jar of honeyed crumpets and knew the market would be teeming with freshly baked goodies and other delicious foods he was running desperately low on.

Bilbo braced himself and thought of old Gertrude Bolger's apple pie as he took a step out into the bright day light.

Breaking into a full sprint, the Hobbit bounded past his front gate, half expecting Gandalf to jump out of the shrubs and accost him, but after a few more seconds of needless jogging, the Halfling realized there was no wizard to be seen.

Coming to a full stop, Master Baggins smiled rather smugly as he tucked the large wicker basket beneath the arm of his azure coat and hopped down to the bustling market place.

It had taken a few more days of jumpy hellos and frantic dashes out the door, but the Halfling had more or less returned to his regular routine.

And now as he sat, cozy and safe and warm in the confines of his home cooking a nice fish for supper, Bilbo wondered idly about the Wizard.

Perhaps he had changed his mind about the whole adventure nonsense. Or maybe he had found someone more agreeably suited for the journey.

Bilbo was still a fairly young Hobbit, but like many of his kind, he was very fond of food and found himself having to re-tailor his breeches a bit more often than he liked to admit.

What he was trying to say was that he was in no shape to go gallivanting off on a nit witted adventure like some bottle headed Took.

Bilbo stopped for a second, chuckled and mentally chided himself as he remembered his mother. Yes, she was a Took and he meant her no disrespect, but he was a Baggins.

And a Baggins was responsible, mature and sensible.

Besides, who would take care of his vegetable garden? Or feed the hens, or milk Lassie and Lidya?

"Utter nonsense." Bilbo said to himself.

But then in spite of himself, he looked around his comfy little hobbit hole; at all the maps and books he had read throughout the years scattered across the floor and thought that maybe, just maybe, a little change in routine once in a while might do him some good...

Bilbo abruptly shook his noggin to get the preposterous thoughts out of his head.

The loud hiss of cooking oil filled the room and buried all thoughts of adventure for the moment. Seeing as his fish was cooked just the way he liked it - nice and seared on both sides - Bilbo smiled and chuckled again suddenly. He was in a fine mood, being quite excited to sit down and eat as it had already been two full hours since his last meal.

He began to hum a little tune as he snatched a bright yellow lemon from the surface of his pristine, polished oak counter. 

As though sensing the proximity of the food, Bilbo's stomach began to rumble as he added the final touches to his dinner. Then, with a final pinch of salt the Hobbit sat down, flicked out his napkin before tucking it into his collar and set out to eat.

But just as he stabbed the succulent fish with his fork, the almost foreign sound of his doorbell filled the air.

Bilbo froze, his heart hammering in his chest as he stared at his meal.

Instead of wondering who would be disturbing him at this hour, he simply sat contemplating whether or not to ignore the unexpected visitor and bite into his fish which now seemed to be calling to him.

Just one bite, Bilbo thought, but before he could even make another attempt at skewering the fish, the bell rang again. 

"Oh, for the love of-" Bilbo muttered under his breath. He placed his silverware back on the table and ripped his napkin from his collar as he tore himself away from his lovely supper.

His good mood was evaporating quickly.

"You! Don't go anywhere." Bilbo turned and said as he pointed sternly at his supper. "I’ll be right back."

The dead fish simply laid there.

Bilbo nodded to himself and tightened his robe around his waist before opening the circular green door, an excuse already on his tongue for anyone who wanted to visit tonight. He was simply not in the mood to entertain... or to share his food.

"Sorry, but I'm not -" Bilbo froze as did the words in his throat.

It was a dwarf.

There was a dwarf standing in his doorway.

Whatever the Hobbit had been expecting, it had surely not been this.

"H-hi." Bilbo stammered unsurely, completely forgetting where he was and what he was doing for a second.

"Dwalin, at your service." The dwarf said in a deep, gruff voice with an odd accent. He bowed deeply so Bilbo was at eye level with his shiny bald head.

Although there was no hair on his head, there were some strange markings that stretched across the expanse of his leathery looking skull.

Dwalin the dwarf straightened and the Hobbit had a chance to properly see him for the first time, as his shock was slowly wearing off. Unfortunately for little Bilbo, shock had been replaced with fear, excitement, wonder and awe all at once; and it was making him feel a bit queasy.

The Hobbit was staring at the dwarf's arms now. Each strand of muscle was as big as his leg!

"Ahem." The short, loud noise Dwalin made clearing his throat made Bilbo snap out of his examination and he looked up to see the dwarf raise a thick furry eyebrow in impatience.

"Oh!" Bilbo said suddenly, his cheeks flushing as he remembered his manners. "Bilbo Baggins, at your service." The Hobbit tried to mimic the dwarf's bow but ended up stumbling and caught himself on Dwalin's belt instead.

"Get your hands away from my crotch." The Dwarf growled viciously as he stood glaring daggers at poor Master Baggins.

"Yes, yes sorry." Bilbo said hastily straightening himself up and brushing off his robe even though it was perfectly clean.

He could feel his cheeks grow scarlet again and he backed away as Dwalin made his way into Bag End.

"Um, excuse me!" piped up Bilbo sheepishly, still quite embarrassed. "But, do we know each other?"

"No." The dwarf said in a voice that made it seem as though he thought Bilbo was daft. "Where is it then, Laddie?" Dwalin said suddenly taking off his weather beaten cloak.

Bilbo still stood in his doorway with a look of utter confusion on his round face. "Where is what, exactly?"

The dwarf turned on him and Bilbo shrank up against the wall.

"Supper of course! He said there'd be food." With that Dwalin turned towards the kitchen and threw his cloak at Bilbo, who now had absolutely no trace of his previous good spirits left.

As the Hobbit went to hang up the musty smelling cloak, he felt serious regret at not taking a bite out of his fish the first chance he got. He desperately hoped that somehow the strange dwarf had not seen it yet.

Scurrying as fast as his furry feet could take him, Bilbo burst into the kitchen only to find Dwalin biting the head clean off his supper.

"It's really good, this." The dwarf said examining the skeletal remains of the fish as though it were made of gold. "Got any more?"

Bilbo let out a weary sigh and looked at his raisin cakes in despair, wondering how this evening could possibly get any worse.


	2. Food, Farts and Females

Barely an hour had passed and the poor hobbit now had thirteen dwarves, one wizard, an empty pantry and an absolutely filthy washroom to deal with.

Well at least the dishes were clean, thought Bilbo trying to cheer himself up.

He was sitting behind Gandalf and watched as the tall dwarf ate the soup that had been saved for him, the sound of slurping filling the air. The wizard had introduced him as Thorin Oakenshield and although Bilbo was quite intimidated by the dwarf, he was nonetheles grateful for his presence because as soon as his loud knocks were heard upon the door, the boisterous group had fallen blissfully silent.

After a moment longer, Gandalf asked Thorin about which path he had taken to get to Bag End, perhaps hoping to fill the dead air with a bit of idle conversation. But when the dwarf spoke of passing Bilbo's garden three times before spotting the sign on the door, the wizard suddenly went stiff. Thorin noticed the change in Gandalf's posture and raised a thick, feathery brow in response.

"Oh, nothing nothing. Just a little something that slipped my mind." Gandalf said dismissing the topic with a wave of his wrinkled hand as he slowly got up from his seat.

Before turning to leave, he carefully selected a small bun from the plate that was laid before Thorin as well as a burning candle from the mantle. Then without another word of explanation the wizard walked out of the kitchen (ducking to make sure he didn't hit his head this time) and out Bilbo's green door.

The dwarves and Bilbo stared after Gandalf in confusion for a moment before the fattest dwarf sitting at the end of the table farted loudly and rather shamelessly.

A hoot of laughter rose from the entire table, and although Bilbo could only think of burning the seat cover Bombur was sitting on at the moment, his eyes suddenly fell on Thorin.

The corner of the dwarf's lips barely curled upwards to form what the Hobbit thought was the closest thing to a smile Thorin's face could conjure without breaking.

"That was nothing!" Yelled the young dwarf with chestnut hair sitting next to Bombur. "This one's been churning my stomach for hours- I call it the Defiler."

Before Bilbo could cry out to protest in fear of having to burn two of his seat covers, Thorin's voice cut through the air in a loud, resounding boom, nearly making the Hobbit fall out of his seat.

"Kili!"

The entire room fell deathly silent.

"Do not _ever_ speak that name again." Thorin spat in a voice that made acid seem sweet.

"S-sorry, I didn't think that -"

"No, you didn't think, period," the still glowering dwarf snarled. The young lad he was tearing a strip off of sat quielty, slowly turning scarlet as he bit his bottom lip in an effort to keep silent. "If you want to be part of this company, then you need to pull your head out and smarten up."

An uncomfortable silence engulfed the room while Thorin simply went back to slurping his soup. The Hobbit was completely clueless as to what had just happened, but he felt sorry for Kili who had been yelled at for absolutely no reason. This was his house and he wouldn't tolerate rudeness from anyone.

"Bit excessive, don't you think?" Bilbo piped up, scoffing as he straightened his back to grow a few more centimetres in height. "Do you talk to the rest of your kin like that or just your friends?"

Thorin's pale blue eyes slowly turned to him, flashing with murderous anger and Bilbo choked on his own fleeting courage, desperately wishing he could sew his own mouth shut.

It was as if the entire room sat, holding its breath, waiting for Bilbo to be torn a new Hobbit hole when Gandalf suddenly reappeared.

Seeming to notice the tense atmosphere in the room and the daggers Thorin was glaring at a very flustered Bilbo, the wizard cleared his throat in a grandiose manner.

Thorin peeled his eyes from Bilbo to look at Gandalf, and the Hobbit was so grateful that he almost didn't hear what the wizard said next.

"I would like you all to meet a very special guest."

Bilbo's first thought was that if it was another dwarf, he would set Bag End on fire to simply get rid of the lot, but then Gandalf continued.

"She has been entrusted in my care for a short time-"

At this Thorin spoke, not even letting the wizard finish his sentence.

"She?"

Bilbo could hear the distaste in Thorin's deep voice as he turned to face Gandalf in his chair.

"Yes, Thorin."

"We do not wish to meet her, nor is she welcome to our discussions." Thorin said gruffly as he turned back to his supper. Quiet murmurs of agreement went around the table and the little Hobbit was appalled at their rudeness, having half a mind to say something again.

However he had learned his lesson about speaking out from before, so he kept his mouth shut and returned his attention to Gandalf.

Bilbo saw the flash of anger that crossed the wizard's wrinkled face but it was gone in an instant.

"Then it is a good thing you are not the one to decide if Vanya is wel -" Gandalf tried to finish his sentence however it was drowned out by Thorin and a majority of the others as they cried in outrage and sat up from their seats.

"Vanya?" Thorin asked, spitting the name out as though someone had sprayed cow manure into his mouth. "An _**elf**_?" The last word was loaded and Bilbo saw the look of absolute hatred and fury that momentarily blackened the dwarf's icy eyes.

Bilbo for one was ecstatic at the thought of being graced with the presence of a she-elf!

"Sit down you fools." Gandalf said in a deep voice that was more than just a little frustrated. He waited until everyone, except for Thorin, was back in their seats before he disappeared from view for a moment.

The tall dwarf stood facing the door way, hands crossed sternly over his broad chest and stout legs spread apart. His eyes were cold and unforgiving as Gandalf's voice reached them from somewhere close by. "Decide for yourselves whether she is an elf or not, but do not dismiss her entirely just yet."

Gandalf stepped back into view only to turn and bow slightly to the girl as she passed him and stepped sheepishly into the kitchen.

It felt like the air had been sucked out of the room, and Bilbo had definitely forgotten how to breathe. He was almost squinting as he stared at the impossibly beautiful girl, like he'd been staring directly into the Sun.

Her big, brown eyes were now staring uncomfortably at Gandalf who had taken his seat. The old wizard smiled encouragingly at her but she took no comfort in his gesture.

Her small frame was rigid and tense, seeming to shrink under the gaze of fifteen pairs of eyes that were studying her intently. She bowed her head slightly, long black hair cascading in waves down her shoulders.

Bilbo was definitely transfixed by the girl's beauty, and taking a quick look around the table he suddenly realized that a few others were as well.

Including Thorin.


End file.
